Psychologists say that retirement is among the top 10 most stressful life events -- right up there with marriage, divorce, pregnancy, and going to jail. What's so stressful about sleeping in till noon and swearing off rush hour? Plenty, say Ron Manheimer and Denise Snodgrass of the North Carolina Center for Creative Retirement. Here are five conflicts that can take the shine off your golden years, plus tales of how they affected real-life retirees.

1. Timing

When should you retire? At first, this is a financial question ("Do I have enough money?"). But before you ask the "How much?" question, ask, "What do I want to do?"

A tale: Stan built the IT department for a successful business, making it an essential part of the company. But after several years, he became bored and less challenged. Should he stay for the promised financial security (but no zest) or follow his dream of teaching high school math or science? He chose the new path.

The moral: How you want to spend the rest of your life should be a top consideration of your retirement plan. Do you want to quit work cold turkey or glide softly into retirement? Is there another career you'd like to explore?

2. Togetherness

If you have a spouse, you've grown accustomed to decades of spending the workdays away from each other. After retirement, it's 24/7 togetherness. For some couples, that takes a little adjustment.

A tale: Kirk ran a computer business before retiring. When his wife, Gail, was at a meeting, Kirk computerized her weekly schedule and recipes, then alphabetized her spice rack and cookbooks. She'd just about killed him before getting him involved with a nearby college, where he became a popular teacher on the life and times of Thomas Jefferson (a lifelong interest of his).

The moral: There's a saying about marriage after retirement: "I married you for better or worse -- but not for lunch." Most couples eventually learn to maintain interconnected paths in retirement, scheduling important activities together, but then maintaining separate schedules. It may also help to rebalance the household chores and have two computers in the house.

3. Family Dynamics

Other relatives will have their own expectations about your retirement, especially for the members of the "sandwich generation" who are still raising kids while taking care of aging parents.

A tale: Ann retired and moved to a city close to her daughter and grandchildren. She planned to take art classes and make new friends. But her daughter expected her to care for the grandkids after school and take them to (and pay for) their violin and horseback riding lessons. When Ann planned a trip to Alaska, her daughter cried, "How could you plan that trip when the kids need braces?"

The moral: Before retirement, discuss your goals and clarify expectations with your family. This is especially important if you're the sibling who has assumed the primary caretaker role for your parents, and other siblings haven't contributed as much. Also, seek out grandparenting resources, and explore grandparent and grandchild travel.

4. Friendship

You've probably made some of your best friends through your career. What will happen to those relationships once you no longer have the water cooler to gather around? How will you make new friends once you no longer work?

A tale: Jill was a medical research administrator who retired to travel more. Pretty soon, she became lonely because her friends were still working. Jill was depressed, gained 15 pounds, and doubted her decision to retire. Through work with a counselor, she dusted off the clarinet she hadn't played since college, took lessons, and joined a community band.

The moral: Make friendship maintenance a priority in your retirement, and then broaden your social circle by exploring hobbies and volunteer opportunities.

5. Meaning and Purpose

If your identity is strongly tied to your career, you may feel adrift after you retire. As one retiree famously said, "I went from 'Who's who' to 'Who's he?'"

A tale: Though Mike was an introvert, he was a creative and engaging math teacher. Once he retired, he missed the students and the daily challenge of the classroom. While taking a class at a local college, he learned that some of the school's athletes were struggling with math. Before long, he was tutoring them, working around their practice and travel schedules, and interacting with a new set of people who needed and respected his skills.

The moral: Retirement is the time to achieve the goals that you never had the chance to pursue.